Sudden Infant Death Syndrome

Giving Thanks in the Midst of Suffering

Posted Wed, 11/23/2011 - 08:53 by Cheryl Darnell

For those grieving the loss of a child to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), holidays can be really tough. Sometimes we simply go through the motions with the least exertion of effort, just trying to "make it through." And that's okay.

But it's also okay to enjoy the holidays. It's okay to find joy in other things while also deeply grieving the loss of your child. In fact, it is those sources of joy that will spark glimmers of hope and help bring healing to your heart over time.

What's the Big Deal About Crib Bumpers (and other SIDS Risk Factors)?

Posted Tue, 10/18/2011 - 04:04 by Cheryl Darnell

With October being SIDS Awareness Month, the American Academy of Pediatrics has released a new recommendation for safe sleep practices for infants. The AAP states, "Bumper pads should not be used in cribs. There is no evidence that bumper pads prevent injuries, and there is a potential risk of suffocation, strangulation or entrapment." (http://www.aap.org/pressroom/sids.pdf)

KRDO Channel 13 in Colorado Springs, CO, asked to interview us to get SIDS America's opinion on the new recommendation. You can click here to watch the video: http://www.krdo.com/health/29521577/detail.html

Healing Song - 'Held" - Written by Christa Wells and sung by Natalie Grant

Posted Tue, 09/20/2011 - 14:48 by Cheryl Darnell

Songs can bring incredible healing, and when a song is inspired by the Word of God, which is living and powerful, it can minister to a broken heart like no other words can. One such song was sent to me just after our son died. I will confess, it took me about 3 MONTHS before I even took the packaging off the CD. People grieve differently, and for me, I was just very silent for the first couple months. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I didn't want to read any books about grief. And worship- which had always been "my escape"- my place where I felt closest to the Lord- now was extremely painful. I didn't know if I really believed what I was singing anymore. How could I worship or praise my God in the midst of wanting to blame Him for my tragedy?

"Back to School" for Families Enduring SIDS

Posted Mon, 08/08/2011 - 14:28 by Cheryl Darnell

For a family who has suffered the death of a child to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), a great part of grieving their baby's death involves missing memories and milestones that never were....grieving the loss of the hopes and dreams you expected to experience with your child.

One such dream is the day you send your child off to school. Three simple words, "Back-to-School," can evoke a vast array of emotions and meanings for parents, but at the end of a long, hot summer, the general consensus among parents and kids is a feeling of anticipation and excitement. Yet the season can also cause great sadness to well up in the hearts of parents who have suffered the death of a child. 

Personally, I have some mixed emotions about it this year. Our "big girl" is entering Kindergarten, and boy have we been so excited about school supplies and school clothes. (never knew the delight that a pair of blunt scissors and a gluestick could bring!) 

Comparing Tragedies

Posted Sun, 07/24/2011 - 01:19 by Cheryl Darnell

Since the death of our son, I've had friends who have miscarried early in pregnancy, friends who have miscarried late in pregnancy, friends who have grieved infertility, friends who have given birth to stillborn babies, friends who have lost a parent, friends who have lost a friend or family member to suicide, and friends who have lost a young child to freak accidents. It is interesting to me how often tragedies get compared. A number of times I have heard, "Oh, Cheryl, I'm devastated over my loss, but I can't IMAGINE what it must feel like to have lost your child whom you held, nursed, and knew!" 

Coming to a Crisis of Faith

Posted Sat, 07/23/2011 - 21:48 by Cheryl Darnell

I had a conversation with a precious mother who lost her son to SIDS and was experiencing a crisis of faith. The death of her child caused her to intensely struggle with doubt over what she previously believed to be true about God and His love for her. 

I know that through your grieving the loss of your baby that you, too, may be really wrestling with God, questioning, and not wanting "rote religious answers" to the very real pain you have been going through. If you've come to a crisis of your faith in your suffering, it's okay! God can certainly handle our being real with Him. In fact, He wants nothing else BUT for us to come to Him with our honest feelings and thoughts.

Christmas After the Loss of a Child

Posted Thu, 12/23/2010 - 15:54 by Cheryl Darnell

Amid all the Christmas shopping, decorating, caroling, pageants, anticipation and excitement, there is also a very real sadness that Christmas evokes in some people. For families in financial stress, you hear, "Oh, they won't get to have a Christmas this year." And what about celebrating the holidays when a loved one has died? The first Christmas after our son died of SIDS, I thought, "How can I possibly enjoy Christmas this year? Christmas just won't be the same."

While grief certainly affects our emotions as we experience the holidays, and while feelings of deep sadness are definitely expected and natural (I still cry over our baby Billy), we do not have to remain in a state of despair. Grief and tragedy do not dictate whether or not Christmas happens. Read this excerpt from the Christmas story in Luke 1:30-33 and 2:8-14--

I Will Not Forget

Posted Mon, 03/29/2010 - 11:05 by Cheryl Darnell

I can’t believe it has been two years since I last saw and held my baby Billy. I still cry when I see an ambulance. Every time I’m with my nephew, who was born 2 weeks after Billy, I think of what Billy would look like and what he’d be doing now if he were still with us. When we take family pictures, it never seems complete. My husband teared up the other day at the tax services office when the rep told him she had to delete Billy from our “dependents”- his name, his social security number, his birthday. I know it’s just for tax purposes- but it’s another painful reminder that he’s not here. There’s something really sad about “removing” him from our family. Will he be so quickly and easily forgotten?

How to Handle the Holidays

Posted Tue, 12/08/2009 - 16:38 by Cheryl Darnell

The following list might be helpful for parents grieving through the holidays.

Frozen in Time

Posted Tue, 10/20/2009 - 08:55 by Cheryl Darnell

What parent doesn’t enjoy proudly displaying photos of their kids? Come on...our kids grace just about every wall of our home. And I am truly blessed to have a mother-in-law who has generously made it a tradition to have her grandkids’ photos taken professionally every year. We got new shots done of Avery and Nathan just last week.

Sometimes it’s very difficult for me when I switch out photos to update my children’s pictures. I have photos on top of our mantle of all three kids. But only 2 get switched out regularly. Billy’s remains his 4 1/2 month photo in his adorable blue corduroy overalls. It’s a painful reminder of my inability to watch Billy grow up. As I notice the changes in Avery and Nathan as they grow and mature, I wonder what Billy would have looked like at each photo change.